A Thank You To A Former Lover

Sometimes things need to go wrong to end up right. Number 5 is no exception and probably the best example for it…


“Dear Friend,

I never thought I would call you this after how our story went down, but by now I can say you are one of my closest friends. I don’t even know how to explain how grateful I am for that. I know I already told you this so many times before, mostly when we are drunk or a little bit tipsy, but I want to make sure that I say it at least once while I am sober.

I appreciate what our relationship has become.

We moved on from having sex after so many nights out to being friends who talk about pretty much everything. I think because of the sex and the intimacy we shared, I feel so comfortable around you. It is just that tiny bit more that you know about me that other guys don’t, like those parts that I don’t show everyone. The parts that care deeply and feel everything multiplied by a hundred.

I do want to apologise and thank you for the many times you put up with my tears. Normally I would be embarrassed to cry in front of a guy, with you it’s different. I feel comfortable crying on your shoulder because you don’t mind, you just hold me patiently. You wrap your arms around me and stroke my head until I stop. Other guys would be annoyed, put it off as attention seeking or simply aren’t able to handle someone’s tears, but not you.

You stay, wait, listen. You support.

It took time, I am not denying that. Not seeing you for several months over the summer gave us the time and space to hit the rewind button. At first, I missed the moments we spent together, but in the end it was for the best.

I realise now, and I am sorry to say that but I have to, that it wasn’t you who I wanted, it was the idea of us, of being in a relationship. That’s what I wanted. Not necessarily with you, at that point in my life I would have been fine with anyone. A horrible thing to say and to think.

I simply didn’t want to be lonely anymore. I wanted someone who is there for me, whatever and whenever. (Back then I didn’t realise that friends can do that too.) This made me project my feelings and the craving I had for a relationship on to you. Ultimately, I think that is what ruined us.

Feel free to blame it on me.

I could apologise for ruining everything, but what we have now is worth so much more than what we had in the beginning.

It took us months to find common ground again. That we now work on a project together, apart from our usual friends, helped us find the space where we can interact with each other on a good level. A level of trust, comfort and constant banter.

I love the fact that we now make fun about what happened between us without any sort of awkwardness. We aren’t shy about it and don’t hide it from people, I think we grew up and now deal with everything like proper adults would. I don’t know many guys who would handle a situation like this as mature as you.

Anyway, I told you this a couple of nights ago and please believe me when I say this, because it’s true.

I will always be there for you.
I’ll be there if you need advice and someone to talk to.
I’ll be there if you need an extra comforting hug.
I’ll be there if you need someone to listen to your pointless ranting.
I’ll be there if you had enough of everything and what to get out.
I’ll be the driver of the getaway car on your wedding if you get cold feet.

I’ll be there. Trust me.
I know you would do the same thing for me.

Because of you I know that boys and girls can be friends even if they didn’t start out as friends. So, thank you!

With love,
The girl you can always count on.”


Letter No. 6 …