A Letter To A Coward

I don’t know if number 8 was real love, but it sure as hell hurt a lot when he left…

“Dear Love,

You were the first one to show me I was, or could be worth it. I thought you were different. I thought you’d be the first one to prove me wrong, until you bailed for all the right and all the wrong reasons.

Many will say our love was “short but sweet,” and I agree, I enjoyed the time I had with you – more than I should have. I should have known that it wouldn’t last, it was too good to be true. Those times are over, and even though I’m still hoping that you will change your mind, deep down somewhere in me I know that you won’t. Like you said, you’re not “ready.”

I was sad at first, and I missed you. But I’ve come to a point where I am rather mad than sad, and I want you to know. I already told you that you hurt me, but I’m over the fact that you did. What I can’t get over is the fact that you bailed after one tiny bump in the road.

Everything was great. It wasn’t anything major, it was us figuring out how we wanted to be treated by one another. But I don’t think you understood, or understand. It was too much for you to handle.

You freaked out.

Once you realised that your actions and behaviour now matter to someone and affect not just you, you got scared. You realised that in a relationship your decisions can cause someone else to feel miserable if you don’t think before you act.

It was too much for you. You’d rather feel nothing that having to deal with the guilt of hurting someone you care about. I think you’re afraid to feel, to fall, to care. You can do it to a certain degree but when it gets too much, too serious, you run away because you’d rather be miserable than hurt.

It’s selfish of you, but I don’t blame you for it, you’re young you’re allowed to be. Just don’t talk about wanting a big family if you’re not ready for a relationship, because that’s how you build one, how it all starts. You don’t get one without the other.

I don’t hate you, I could never, after all you still mean a lot to me. But you need to realise, it was all you.
You wanted to take me home the first night we met.
You stayed over and didn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t ready for.
You asked me out on a date – the next day!
You called it a “we” first.
You stayed at mine five nights a week, three weeks in a row.
You called my house “home”.
You made us official.
You introduced me to your friends.
You told your parents about me.
You called me your girlfriend first.
It was all you. You chose to be with me. I never pressured you or forced you to be with me. I never even introduced you as my boyfriend.

To be honest with you, I think this is what freaked you out. You started to feel something, something you hadn’t felt before and it scared you. And instead of accepting it and going with the flow, taking it “day by day” as you suggested, you walked away. You told yourself you’re not able to handle another person’s feelings, but, quite frankly, it wasn’t my feelings you couldn’t handle, it was yours.

You chose to go, and I won’t be there when you turn around to look for me. I will go back to how it was before I knew you, because being your friend would be something I couldn’t handle.

Don’t get me wrong, I want you to be happy and hope that you find the one person who’s enough to make you want to stay. I thought it was me but I clearly wasn’t.

Yours truly,
The one you stupidly let go.”

This letter was written in April ’17.

Letter No. 8 – The Finish Line …