A Letter To My First

Let’s start at the beginning…


“Dear (whatever your name is, I forgot),

I was eighteen when we met. I think it was a Thursday night when you approached me on the dancefloor of a nightclub. I was drunk, young, naïve, and flattered that you showed interest – the first one in a while. Everyone before you only ever saw me as a temptation but never went for it.

You were twenty-eight, if I remember correctly. By far the oldest guy I’d ever been interested in – oldest, not most mature. You should be thirty-three now; five years in which I haven’t thought about you much, until today. Only now I realise how wrong it was and that I should have waited. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret what happened but I wish one of us had been the “responsible one” that night.

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An Apology To No.2

I always thought that, after screwing up my first time, my second time would be with a lovely boyfriend who adores me.
Well, I was wrong, very wrong…


“Dear No.2,

or how I like to call you: brother of the guy who almost cheated on his girlfriend with me.

Sleeping with you was a mistake I didn’t intend to make. I was drunk, very drunk but that is no excuse.

It was the night of my graduation, the reason why I had too much to drink. Who doesn’t get messy when they’ve finally finished school? However, I wasn’t in the best place at that time. Quite frankly, I was a mess, not happy with a lot of things and even unhappier with so many others.

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An Ode To A Fuckboy

Number three was somehow a very complicated and dramatic one, but also one that I wouldn’t want to miss…


“Dear Fuckboy,

I have known you for a while now, and I must admit that our “relationship” has changed since it all started. However, that doesn’t change the fact that you are indeed a fuckboy, one of the bad ones. One of those who don’t show it at first and then stab you in the back. You don’t see them coming.

I didn’t see you coming.

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A Letter To A Short Encounter

If I had to describe number 4 in 5 words it would be “short and not so sweet”…


“Dear Christmas Fuck,

To tell the story of you and me I won’t need many words as there is just not much to say. You are yet again one of those drunk and silly decisions that one makes while growing up and figuring out life.

I met you on a night out. I think it was Christmas Day and I thought it would be a great idea to get drunk and celebrate the holidays properly. You came over to me and started dancing with me. We talked quite a lot that night before anything happened, it wasn’t just making out and fucking each other.

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A Thank You To A Former Lover

Sometimes things need to go wrong to end up right. Number 5 is no exception and probably the best example for it…


“Dear Friend,

I never thought I would call you this after how our story went down, but by now I can say you are one of my closest friends. I don’t even know how to explain how grateful I am for that. I know I already told you this so many times before, mostly when we are drunk or a little bit tipsy, but I want to make sure that I say it at least once while I am sober.

I appreciate what our relationship has become.

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A Note To A Nobody

Number 6 is probably the one person I hope I never have to talk to again…


“Dear Nobody,

To start off with the truth: I dislike you (hate, would be too much of a word), and hope that our paths never cross again!

It all started like most of my past romances, love affairs and one-night-stands; we saw each other in a bar, started talking and had a few drinks. The only difference was, you tried to set me up with your best friend who fancied me. However, I wasn’t interested in him.

I was interested in you.

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A Short Note To A Tinder Date

Number 7 was a weird one, that’s all I can say…


“Dear Weirdo,

We met through Tinder, you know that, I know that. Looking back at pictures of you, I don’t even know why we matched in the first place.

We texted for about a week before you asked me out. To be honest, I should have said no as I wasn’t in any sort of state to date a guy after what happened with number 6, or the guys before him. I wasn’t ready.

I just didn’t know.

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A Letter To A Coward

I don’t know if number 8 was real love, but it sure as hell hurt a lot when he left…

“Dear Love,

You were the first one to show me I was, or could be worth it. I thought you were different. I thought you’d be the first one to prove me wrong, until you bailed for all the right and all the wrong reasons.

Many will say our love was “short but sweet,” and I agree, I enjoyed the time I had with you – more than I should have. I should have known that it wouldn’t last, it was too good to be true. Those times are over, and even though I’m still hoping that you will change your mind, deep down somewhere in me I know that you won’t. Like you said, you’re not “ready.”

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Another Letter To The Coward

When I thought there was still hope, there already wasn’t…

“Dear Love,

I didn’t cheat on you, I would have never done that to you. The only reason I didn’t tell him about you is that I didn’t know what you and I were. As far as I knew we broke up weeks before I left.

Again.

We never said we were back together, even though we spent the night of the summer ball together. It was a nice goodbye, you relaxed and let go of your worries. You fell asleep on my tummy while I stroke your soft, short, ginger hair. You looked so peaceful when you lay there and let me hold you.

Those were my favourite moments.

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The Final Goodbye To No.8

“You can’t tell someone to go and then blame them for leaving.”

“Dear Love,

We were toxic. Our love, was toxic.

It was unhealthy and destructive, it ripped us apart from inside. Maybe it wasn’t love after all, love isn’t supposed to destroy you.

I wasn’t able to pull the trigger myself. I kept holding on. I wish I could have but I wasn’t strong enough. I don’t know if you realised that very fact and made the decision for us, but I’m glad this one time you did the right thing. Not in a nice and good way, but you did.

You let me go.

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